In my thoughts...

You ever be so far in your thoughts that you give yourself a headache?! That is my life today. I'm highkey in my thoughts, lowkey in my feelings. Am I depressed?! Is this what depression feels like?! Some of the thoughts haven't been too kind. Maybe it's just "One of those days." I've lowkey been off since this morning and I don't like that. I know part of the reason but the other parts know better. So why do I do this to myself?! Why do I allow thoughts to fester and dig deep into the crevices of my mind knowing it'll be hard to pull them out in entirety and thus some may linger long after I think/thought they've dissipated. Why do I almost go into a rabbit hole questioning my self worth...not so much self worth...my purpose. Why am I here? Why do I feel the way that I do in this moment and why does it seem like no one is able to see that I'm in my thoughts and in my feelings and lowkey being unkind to self? Am I that unreadable or that unloved? I feel like my brain is trying to escape my skull. I keep clinching my jaws. I just wiped some tears from my eyes and I can't help but wonder why I feel alone right now. I'm not alone. I care about myself. I have family and friends that care about me. I do tend to distance myself and become short when I'm feeling a way though and I don't know...part of me feels like people should pick up on that but how could they. Why would they? Here's that unreadable vs unlovable bullshit ass debate my mind is trying to throw at me...again. I don't know. I think sometimes I just want someone to pick up on my energy and recognize that I'm not ok. Usually I am though. Perhaps that's part of why my sad days...my too embedded in my thought days...my Ash is a bit off days go unnoticed. I don't know. I think I need to start writing/blogging/getting my thoughts out more....I feel better.