I knew a long time ago that I never wanted to be the girl who was here &there or wishy washy as far as the love, the sex, the relationships, the friends with benefits thing, etc...I gave myself standards as far as whom I didn't want to become &I'd like to think I've done good at upholding most of those standards, though I will never claim to be perfect. I've made mistakes, "done my dirt" if you will, but I'd like to think &actually know that throughout everything...I've been true to myself in that I have no regrets in life. My character, despite my flaws is solid. I am loyal to death, like I've literally had people steal from me in one way or another or use me to their advantage not considering the possibility that how they did would affect me, they didn't care. Yet still, I've not been the one to close my door to someone. I've been called numerous words of slander or objects outside my name, some people think I didn't know bc I could still smile in their face or still treat them with respect...or even a person I almost gave my heart to was an offender of some of the mentioned crimes...&believe it or not I still love her. Call me what you will, but just because someone treats me a certain way &they say treat those how you would like to be treated,...I cannot be vindictive, hateful, inconsiderate or any other basic malicious word. Like that's just not me. I'm an Aries, moody comes with the territory, so I'm sure I've stepped on someones toes one way or another or rubbed someone the wrong way with my demeanor alone.
Let me get to the point of why I titled this blog "relationships"...I am done with relationships...not that I don't want the basic principles of a relationship bc I do...but I want more. I want\need a wife. And I've decided to stop wasting my time on any female that at least is not on that level. When I'm in a relationship,...I don't think for myself alone, I think "what's best for us." And with past relationships, whomever I was with maybe was kind of there but not fully. I am about 50\50.... And no I do not necessarily mean financially, I have absolutely no problem with taking care of my girl in that form. I mean mentally, spiritually, day to day activities or lack thereof, the things she may like to do that maybe would not have been a first pick for me &vis versa. 50\50. Do for me as I do for you; do for us as I do for us. Furthermore, I'm very nonchalant, I keep my thoughts, feelings, desires for the most part to myself. Not because I'm afraid to open up, I'm not, I just have this thing where I feel like not everyone is entitled access to certain areas\sides of me. I was engaged &when her &I were together,I didn't ever open up truly to her,she knows that ¬ exactly why we split,but who knows how things may have been had I. Once again I repeat, I have no regrets, all of my experiences have only made me a better woman in a vary of ways. She now one of my best friends.
I have a tendency to ramble, people who know me know this. So here's something else to jot down on your list...I am thru with relationships. Connect to me. Grow with me, into me. And i'll do the same.
[04/21/09 08:48 PM from mobile]
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